Meet Real Live Homeless People At Mayor Horrigan’s State of the City Address

I know poor people are supposed to just watch the state of the city address on Facebook or go to an entirely different building (the library) to watch the mayor rave about how amazing everything is going in Akron.

I mean who can afford a $35 lunch or be able to skip out of their job at 11:30am on a Wednesday except people that aren’t grinding out a living at McDonald’s or the local temp agency?

But fortunately a VERY generous donor got us an entire 10 person table to hear the mayor first hand.

Now before you ask for a refund of your state of the city luncheon ticket, I assure you homeless people are actually very interesting and lovely people. There is nothing to be afraid of. Except when they find out how dry the “Parmesan Crusted Breast of Chicken with Lemon Dijon Sauce” is bound to be. At least the Roasted Garlic Smashed (they actually called them “SMASHED”) Potatoes should be pretty tasty. $35 lunches are always surprisingly disappointing. But they aren’t animals. They are kind, decent human beings. They’ll probably just wish Eva had made the lunch because of how amazing she cooks for them.

If there is anyone you should worry about doing something embarrassing it would be me. But even I promised my wife I would be on my best behavior.

We are just going to have a nice afternoon out as Akron citizens hearing what our mayor has to say about how things are going in our city. Homeless people are Akron citizens too, after all. It will be interesting to hear how represented they feel as Akronites at this speech.

We’re bringing the people who work the hardest at our facility.

Every job is done here by a homeless person. They work endlessly keeping our facility in tip top shape.

But you might be surprised to learn that the city hasn’t actually solved homelessness when they shut down the village these people built for themselves. People are living in tents at this very moment. And some of them will be coming to this event.

If you have never met a homeless person (some of them prefer being called “houseless”) this might be a very exciting opportunity. You are more than welcome to come over to our table and say hello. We are Table Number 89. 

If you have always wanted to ask a houseless person a question now would be a perfect time. Literally, feel free to ask them ANY question you’d like. Here are some sample ideas:

• Aren’t you all raging drug addicts and alcoholics?
• Why don’t you just get a job?
• Why do you choose to live in a tent?
• Why don’t you just go to the Haven of Rest instead of living in a tent in the freezing cold?
• Aren’t you all just totally insane?
• Have you ever held a real job in your life?
• Why don’t you stay with your family?

There really isn’t anything you could say or ask that would be worse than anything they haven’t already heard.

We aren’t going to cause a commotion. We aren’t going to start chanting. And we aren’t even going to whip out panhandling signs begging for money.

We are just Akron citizens coming to hear what our mayor has to say.

If you were lucky enough to get a ticket, like us, we’ll see you there.